Do you thrive when your partner compliments your beauty or writes you a loving note?
Do you enjoy it when your partner expresses what they love most about you or when they thank you for the little things?
Do you find it difficult to accept criticism or tend to take negative comments to heart? 👋🏻
Then words of affirmation may just be one of your love languages!
Verbal compliments are powerful statements of love and William James once said, “Possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated”.
At their core, written and verbal affirmations are the essence of gratitude and appreciation.
” In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
Today we will be exploring Gary Chapman’s chapter on words of affirmation from his book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”.
I will discuss using Kind, Encouraging, and Humble Words to help you better understand how to use this love language most effectively to positively impact your relationship.
“I love spending time with you!”
“You make my life better.”
”Thank you for teaching me what it means to be loved.”
Remember to be mindful when trying to express yourself to your partner.
It’s not always what you’re trying to say, but rather how you’re saying it.
Paying close attention to your tone of voice is the most important factor in avoiding mixed messages when communicating with your partner.
Are you looking to build intimacy in your relationship?
Did you know that sharing your feelings with your partner is an expression of love in and of itself?
By sharing your feelings and expressing words of kindness to your partner, you’re more likely to encourage a maturing love built on trust and safety.
What is just as important as trust and safety?
Forgiveness is the way of love and love is not one to keep score or bring up past failures.
By allowing forgiveness into your heart for not only your partner but also yourself, you’re allowing the failures of the past to be history and inspiring a more loving future for your relationship.
“ I am so proud of the hard work you have been putting in to support our family!”
” I believe in you and your capabilities.”
” I love the passion you express towards me and the kids on a daily basis.”
First and foremost, find out what’s important to your partner!
Once you have this knowledge, aspire to inspire them!
You may be sitting on untapped potential here; with the use of encouraging words, you may be more likely to motivate your partner to achieve their wildest dreams.
(But remember to encourage THEIR dreams, not your dreams for them.)
Be sure to provide praise and credit for both smaller and larger achievements.
This could be as simple as expressing appreciation for them taking out the trash or paying a bill for the house. Or letting them know how proud you are of them for getting that big promotion or for making their first sale as a new business.
“I forgive you.”
” I appreciate your recent effort towards understanding my love language.”
“ I believe in you!”
Quick reminder- You and your partner are equals. You are a team. So, you should be treating one another as such.
When practicing humble words, it is important to remember that love makes requests, not demands.
Coming across with demands will threaten your efforts towards intimacy.
Instead, give guidance by way of requests, and don’t forget to use kind and encouraging words to support your partner in these moments.
Keep in mind that appreciation and flattery are very different and that one of them is far more sincere than the other.
Flattery is superficial and ingenuine. It reeks of ulterior motives and derives from selfish reasons.
Appreciation on the other hand is genuine and wholesome. It comes from a place of love and gratitude.
If you plan to show someone your appreciation, really think about how they make you feel, and why you think that is. Then express those feelings to the best of your ability and take note of how your partner responds.
Why is This Important?
Discovering your primary love language is key when learning to understand yourself in your relationship as well as communicate your relational needs in the most effective way possible.
Embracing your partner’s love language will create an opportunity for you to deepen your connection and learn how to love your partner in the most productive way for both of you.
May your words of affirmation ignite your partner’s self-confidence all the while creating a safer and more stable relational foundation.
This strong foundation can lead to deeper levels of intimacy, increased emotional connection, and a greater appreciation for one another.
This coming week I challenge you to find 5 things you genuinely appreciate about your partner and think of 2 ways to encourage your partner in something they're passionate about.
After giving these some thought, remember to verbalize your appreciation and encouraging words (not all at once) and see how your partner reacts throughout the week.
Be sure to come back here and leave a comment with your results!